Exhausted. Frustrated. Resentful. Does that sound familiar? You love your spouse, but lately, you feel like you're shouldering the weight of single parenthood, even with a ring on your finger. If you're nodding along, you're not alone. Many married moms experience the emotional rollercoaster of being a "married single mom." But here's the good news: You can turn things around and create a fulfilling life for yourself, your partner, and your family. This post will equip you with actionable tips to overcome overwhelm, strengthen your connection with your spouse, and finally thrive as a married mom.
In the quiet moments after the children are asleep and the house finally still, the weight of her reality settles heavily on her shoulders. She's a married single mom – a term that feels like an oxymoron, yet perfectly encapsulates the paradoxical nature of her existence. Despite the ring on her finger and the vows exchanged years ago, she often feels like she's navigating the journey of parenthood alone. The partnership she envisioned has morphed into a solo act, leaving her to shoulder the responsibilities of both parents while yearning for the support and companionship she once dreamed of.
But there comes a point when the exhaustion of pretending everything is okay becomes unbearable. The facade crumbles, revealing the raw truth beneath: she's fed up. Fed up with the endless cycle of arguments and misunderstandings. Fed up with feeling unheard and unappreciated. Fed up with sacrificing her own happiness for the sake of preserving an illusion of marital bliss. And so, with a mixture of trepidation and resolve, she makes the decision to file for divorce.
It's not a decision made lightly. It's a journey fraught with uncertainty, fear, and heartache. But it's also a journey of liberation, empowerment, and self-discovery. By choosing to walk away from a relationship that no longer serves her, she's reclaiming her voice, her autonomy, and her right to happiness. She's setting an example for her children – showing them that it's never too late to pursue a life that brings fulfillment and joy.
As she takes the first steps on this new path, she knows there will be challenges ahead. There will be moments of doubt, loneliness, and sadness. But there will also be moments of triumph, growth, and newfound freedom. She's ready to embrace the journey – to embrace herself – fully and unapologetically.
To all the married single moms who find themselves at a crossroads, know that you are not alone. Your bravery, resilience, and unwavering spirit inspire us all. As you navigate this chapter of your life, may you find strength in your vulnerability, courage in your convictions, and hope in the promise of a brighter tomorrow. You deserve nothing less than the love, happiness, and fulfillment you so boldly seek. And remember, you are never truly alone – for you are surrounded by a community of support, admiration, and unwavering solidarity. Together, we rise.
A mom’s strength to do it all is unmatched, and society welcoming.
Most of us watched our moms, grandmothers and aunts do it all growing up. Growing up you also heard people say "boys don’t play with dolls”, “that kitchen set is for the girls”.
BUT HELLO! Will little boys not turn into grown ass men who need to feed themselves or their families… will they not have to learn how to hold a baby or change a diaper. These are the toxic generational layers of curses that have to be broken. Because not only are the men being conditioned to believe “only girls do the dishes” they are also growing up watching this which reinforces those belief patterns.
So no wonder we feel stuck in this pattern of being a supermom!!!
And if I can be real (which if you’re reading this you’re my people and I can always be real with you)… the supermom mentality is toxic.
There! I said it (since no one else will). I know, sound harsh, but the truth just sounds different girl.
Let me explain though.
When you think about being a supermom it is based on ALL the things you can do alone. Moms typically give themselves a pat on the back, or whatever other unreasonable reward for burning themselves out. That’s not cool. Not only do you end up being burned out, but the 15% you have left goes to your kids, and what is left for you at the end of the day? I know life isn’t fair, but you were not made to all of this alone and you were not made to neglect yourself.
Becoming a mom is not a jail sentence. Just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean you just forget about the woman you were, or want to become. I don’t care about the bullshit sayings of “well now its all about the kids” or “you don’t matter”.
Fuck that sentiment.
This is just another way society has limited us in believing we have to do it all or we are shitty people. Meanwhile… we aren’t calling dads superdad and making him believe he has to do all the things. This is not to bash dads, and this is the fucking truth that you’re here for.
PLUS! Superman doesn’t get help from anyone, he triages what and who he needs to help- he cannot be in two places at the same time… and he cannot help everyone. Yet no one looks down on him for this! So why exactly are we holding ourselves to this high expectation that we have to be everything to everyone except ourselves?!
But these are things you know… I am just here to validate them so you know you aren’t alone in your thoughts and feelings. I was once where you and I am what I consider myself to be a recovering supermom. Do I still have days (like yesterday) where I have to swoop in to save the day.
And the truth is, I am naturally a rescuer. I want to help everyone. And I also want to protect my kids so I feel like I have to swoop in or it will affect their day. That’s how I became a supermom and I can bet my life that you resonate with that too.
When I had to swoop in yesterday, I felt shitty because I always have to figure it out without much help and I just do it as a single mom without help during the week. I don’t want to be the rescuer anymore. I want to fully believe my kids will not die if I don’t show up this one time (logically I know they won’t lol).
So in order to soothe my feelings about this I felt them, I sat in them and then when I pulled out of the school parking lot I said I was going to let it go because it didn’t deserve to take space in my brain or cause me anxiety the rest of the day… and I refused to beat myself up about it since I am recovering. And next time… I will try to take myself out of the role again. I just keep trying until it becomes easier and easier to say “this isn’t my shit to deal with this time”.
I invite you to also find a strategy that works for you so you can be a supermom in recovery too. Your partner, or co-parent, deserves to bond with their kids in a way they see fit while you step back and take care of YOU (not other household duties).
You are worthy even if you don’t feel like it at times. We are no longer measuring our worth by being a supermom, we are asking for help and we aren’t feeling like a burden when asking for help… okay?
I am going to just cut to the chase because you do not need a long introduction… If you’re reading this its because you want to have more self-care but deep down you feel guilty for thinking of yourself. STOP IT RIGHT NOW! Which one of these resonate with you the most? If you get to the bottom… there’s some strategies on how to fix it!
This was so NOT true! I mismanaged my time so much.
I spent a lot of time scrolling instead of sleeping *cue in Postpartum Anxiety*.
I spent a lot of time scrolling instead of watching a show I enjoyed.
I spent a lot of time scrolling instead of working out.
I had time. I did not use it the right way. I started to find little pockets of time and being more productive. I put my babies on a morning schedule which was pretty easy. I made time for me. Without one ounce of guilt.
Well why the hell not?!
I am a working mom. I take care of my babies in the morning and at night when I am not at work.
I change majority of the diapers and I take care of washing their hair (which can be a task for kids with thick curly hair).
I do majority of the daily dishes. I take care of Jason's appointments in and out of the home.
I do a good bit of the learning and productive play.
I KNOW you do too mama!
Okay, but all self-care does not cost money.
I love a good five minutes in the bathroom while they are watching tv. Because the minute I sit back on the couch, they are climbing all over me. That cost no money.
I journal or read before bed... or when I have spare time throughout the day and that costs me $0.
I have charged my card for self-care because it was THAT important to me. I have invested in myself using a credit cared via therapy and coaching to get the self-care I needed.
It was all well worth it.
Leverage the time you have and use it to your advantage.
Tell yourself all the reasons you deserve to relax.
Decide on free activities that will make you feel good and make a plan to do them!
Are you married, but feel like most days you’re single?
I recently talked about this on Instagram, and sooo many other moms chimed in. (hit the link to see)
I completely understood the notion of being married but single because before I got divorced… I felt the same in some ways.
You know, you’re with the kids majority of the time, not getting much of a break, feeling overwhelmed, overworked for a job you don’t get paid for… and feeling like my partner wasn’t pulling weight.
Many women do not talk about being married but single because society has normalized the supermom mentality… which I absolutely loathe!
This isn’t the 1950s, we have rights, we can make choices.
If you want to be the SAHM, that’s fine… and if you don’t (which I didn’t) that’s fine too.
But doing it all… that’s not okay.
And we GET to start calling our counterparts out on this.
I do believe sometimes we as moms, and women, put ourselves in the supermom role because we believe our way is the right way…. when in reality it shoots down dad’s confidence to do things his way, or learn what works for him.
I always viewed it like this (when I was able to let go of “my way only”: let him bond with the babies how he wants, let him learn just how I did… Let him fail and let the babies cry without rescuing HE WILL FIGURE IT OUT… and my ex-husband did figure it out.
You know what this did in turn for me?!
It let me step back to take care of myself with a little less guilt, because I knew he knew what he was doing.
He was going to put them in harms way accidentally or intentionally.
It’s time for moms to stop sitting back and just dealing with things they aren’t okay with… stand up for yourself, or else you will be filled with resentment.
I never thought I could actually get pregnant.
When I was in high school, I had a dermoid cyst, yep it had teeth and hair (gross), that took my left ovary.
I had multiple “scares” over the years, but never amounted to anything.
When I was with my now ex-husband, I got pregnant.
I was shocked because we had didn’t protect, but also weren’t trying to prevent pregnancy either.
I was excited… we were excited.
That excitement quickly dissipated within the next few days.
I was at work and started spotting.
I told my boss, and she simply said, “oh, but that’s normal for an early pregnancy”.
But something just didn’t feel right to me. I felt crampy.
I went home, and I called the hospital the next day because the bleeding was worse.
They drew blood levels and they were pretty low, and also did an ultrasound.
I was told that I was going to have a miscarriage. I was heartbroken.
From there I was sent for the run around… and some of it feels like a blur to even remember.
I ended up going to the hospital for a second time for the same symptoms and they refused to do another ultrasound because the provider said I had what looked to be an intrauterine pregnancy. I was back on the hopeful rollercoaster after he said that.
When I talked to the OB office later on they were shocked that the hospital had not started me on Methotrexate because I was having what was likely an ectopic pregnancy.
We had to drive all the way down to DC to my OB office… it was a hot mess, I was a hot mess.
The shots did not work.
I ended up having to get surgery and ultimately had my left tube removed… that’s an entire story in itself that maybe one day I’ll talk about. The doctor cut me as if I had a c-section vs doing a keyhole surgery. Yea crazy recovery period.
I was torn, heartbroken and every other emotion you could image.
And I knew no one who could help me, or who had every been in a situation even close to mine.
I felt lost, and unheard.
I started joining FB groups with women who had been through this, and it was super helpful to know I was not alone in this journey to motherhood.
I have since found peace in the this trauma, and all of my trauma in trying to become a mom.
I truly feel I had my own experiences so that I could help other women through theirs… my goal is to let other moms and women know they are never alone. Never.
