Supermom, I see you.

A mom’s strength to do it all is unmatched, and society welcoming.

Most of us watched our moms, grandmothers and aunts do it all growing up. Growing up you also heard people say "boys don’t play with dolls”, “that kitchen set is for the girls”.

BUT HELLO! Will little boys not turn into grown ass men who need to feed themselves or their families… will they not have to learn how to hold a baby or change a diaper. These are the toxic generational layers of curses that have to be broken. Because not only are the men being conditioned to believe “only girls do the dishes” they are also growing up watching this which reinforces those belief patterns.

So no wonder we feel stuck in this pattern of being a supermom!!!

And if I can be real (which if you’re reading this you’re my people and I can always be real with you)… the supermom mentality is toxic.

There! I said it (since no one else will). I know, sound harsh, but the truth just sounds different girl.

Let me explain though.

When you think about being a supermom it is based on ALL the things you can do alone. Moms typically give themselves a pat on the back, or whatever other unreasonable reward for burning themselves out. That’s not cool. Not only do you end up being burned out, but the 15% you have left goes to your kids, and what is left for you at the end of the day? I know life isn’t fair, but you were not made to all of this alone and you were not made to neglect yourself.

Becoming a mom is not a jail sentence. Just because you’re a mom doesn’t mean you just forget about the woman you were, or want to become. I don’t care about the bullshit sayings of “well now its all about the kids” or “you don’t matter”.

Fuck that sentiment.

This is just another way society has limited us in believing we have to do it all or we are shitty people. Meanwhile… we aren’t calling dads superdad and making him believe he has to do all the things. This is not to bash dads, and this is the fucking truth that you’re here for.

PLUS! Superman doesn’t get help from anyone, he triages what and who he needs to help- he cannot be in two places at the same time… and he cannot help everyone. Yet no one looks down on him for this! So why exactly are we holding ourselves to this high expectation that we have to be everything to everyone except ourselves?!

But these are things you know… I am just here to validate them so you know you aren’t alone in your thoughts and feelings. I was once where you and I am what I consider myself to be a recovering supermom. Do I still have days (like yesterday) where I have to swoop in to save the day.

And the truth is, I am naturally a rescuer. I want to help everyone. And I also want to protect my kids so I feel like I have to swoop in or it will affect their day. That’s how I became a supermom and I can bet my life that you resonate with that too.

When I had to swoop in yesterday, I felt shitty because I always have to figure it out without much help and I just do it as a single mom without help during the week. I don’t want to be the rescuer anymore. I want to fully believe my kids will not die if I don’t show up this one time (logically I know they won’t lol).

So in order to soothe my feelings about this I felt them, I sat in them and then when I pulled out of the school parking lot I said I was going to let it go because it didn’t deserve to take space in my brain or cause me anxiety the rest of the day… and I refused to beat myself up about it since I am recovering. And next time… I will try to take myself out of the role again. I just keep trying until it becomes easier and easier to say “this isn’t my shit to deal with this time”.

I invite you to also find a strategy that works for you so you can be a supermom in recovery too. Your partner, or co-parent, deserves to bond with their kids in a way they see fit while you step back and take care of YOU (not other household duties).

You are worthy even if you don’t feel like it at times. We are no longer measuring our worth by being a supermom, we are asking for help and we aren’t feeling like a burden when asking for help… okay?

Married But Single

Are you married, but feel like most days you’re single?

I recently talked about this on Instagram, and sooo many other moms chimed in. (hit the link to see)

I completely understood the notion of being married but single because before I got divorced… I felt the same in some ways.

You know, you’re with the kids majority of the time, not getting much of a break, feeling overwhelmed, overworked for a job you don’t get paid for… and feeling like my partner wasn’t pulling weight.

Many women do not talk about being married but single because society has normalized the supermom mentality… which I absolutely loathe!

This isn’t the 1950s, we have rights, we can make choices.

If you want to be the SAHM, that’s fine… and if you don’t (which I didn’t) that’s fine too.

But doing it all… that’s not okay.

And we GET to start calling our counterparts out on this.

I do believe sometimes we as moms, and women, put ourselves in the supermom role because we believe our way is the right way…. when in reality it shoots down dad’s confidence to do things his way, or learn what works for him.

I always viewed it like this (when I was able to let go of “my way only”: let him bond with the babies how he wants, let him learn just how I did… Let him fail and let the babies cry without rescuing HE WILL FIGURE IT OUT… and my ex-husband did figure it out.

You know what this did in turn for me?!

It let me step back to take care of myself with a little less guilt, because I knew he knew what he was doing.

He was going to put them in harms way accidentally or intentionally.

It’s time for moms to stop sitting back and just dealing with things they aren’t okay with… stand up for yourself, or else you will be filled with resentment.