I never thought I could actually get pregnant.
When I was in high school, I had a dermoid cyst, yep it had teeth and hair (gross), that took my left ovary.
I had multiple “scares” over the years, but never amounted to anything.
When I was with my now ex-husband, I got pregnant.
I was shocked because we had didn’t protect, but also weren’t trying to prevent pregnancy either.
I was excited… we were excited.
That excitement quickly dissipated within the next few days.
I was at work and started spotting.
I told my boss, and she simply said, “oh, but that’s normal for an early pregnancy”.
But something just didn’t feel right to me. I felt crampy.
I went home, and I called the hospital the next day because the bleeding was worse.
They drew blood levels and they were pretty low, and also did an ultrasound.
I was told that I was going to have a miscarriage. I was heartbroken.
From there I was sent for the run around… and some of it feels like a blur to even remember.
I ended up going to the hospital for a second time for the same symptoms and they refused to do another ultrasound because the provider said I had what looked to be an intrauterine pregnancy. I was back on the hopeful rollercoaster after he said that.
When I talked to the OB office later on they were shocked that the hospital had not started me on Methotrexate because I was having what was likely an ectopic pregnancy.
We had to drive all the way down to DC to my OB office… it was a hot mess, I was a hot mess.
The shots did not work.
I ended up having to get surgery and ultimately had my left tube removed… that’s an entire story in itself that maybe one day I’ll talk about. The doctor cut me as if I had a c-section vs doing a keyhole surgery. Yea crazy recovery period.
I was torn, heartbroken and every other emotion you could image.
And I knew no one who could help me, or who had every been in a situation even close to mine.
I felt lost, and unheard.
I started joining FB groups with women who had been through this, and it was super helpful to know I was not alone in this journey to motherhood.
I have since found peace in the this trauma, and all of my trauma in trying to become a mom.
I truly feel I had my own experiences so that I could help other women through theirs… my goal is to let other moms and women know they are never alone. Never.